Team TARDIS
by Uh.yeah
Summary: Random and pointless fic about Jack, Rose and Nine as they conquer... a 'creature'.


I am in denial. Which means that I will keep churning out these random and useless (hopefully)feel-good stories about the Doctor, Rose and Jack. Please do not disillusion me.

BBC owns Doctor Who.

Spoilers in the fact that Jack is there.

* * *

"And before I kill you," threatened the green, three legged creature, sitting on top of a machine that looked not unlike a modernised steam roller, "Did you really think you had the right to just waltz into my palaces and steal the crystal of _Obsequium_?" 

"Well," answered the Doctor cheerfully, "considering you were using them to unlawfully control the entire population of this planet – yes. Besides, it wasn't even yours in the first place."

The green creature hissed and the Doctor sat calmly as its face turned an alarming shade of mauve.

Suddenly, and without warning, a gun shot out from the front of its machine and decimated the steamroller the Doctor had been sitting on. Wasting no time, the Doctor rose swiftly to his feet from amid the shattered remains of his vehicle, and maintained eye level with the creature, positively beaming.

"Fool!" shrieked the creature, "Why do you grin like an imbecile? Now you are an open target. Do you honestly think you can outrun my _fifenblaster_?"

"Nope," answered the Doctor, with no lack of brightness, whatsoever, "However, I," he drew himself up to his full height, "can do this." And he ducked swiftly into a narrow alleyway.

He stood in the alley's entrance, grinning his manic smile, which was clearly beginning to irritate the creature.

It drove its steamroller-type-thing up to the entrance of the alleyway and started laughing. "Clearly I overestimated your intelligence, Doctor. You seem to have forgotten that my machine can alter its width according to the space needing to be navigated. Meaning, asides from being extremely clichéd, escaping down an alleyway is futile."

It laughed again; a deep and throaty, merciless laugh that had caused many others to break down and pray for a miracle. It had no effect on the Doctor, who stood watching the steamroller thoughtfully – almost expectantly.

The creature drove forward, right up to the opening, and grinned as the Doctor was forced to take a step backward. Then he expertly pulled a few levers and began to drive it straight into the alleyway.

"See?" it crowed, "There really is no escape."

"Unless," came a female voice from behind, "the Doctor messed up the controls while I was distracting your head engineer."

The creature whipped its head round and was confronted by Rose, one hand on her hip, the other playing idly with her hair; confident and completely unfazed.

The creature turned around again as it heard the sound of metal grating against stone and the vehicle shuddered to a halt. The Doctor and Rose exchanged a pleased smile before they turned their attention back to the creature astride the steamroller.

If it didn't have red eyes and sharp pointed teeth, the sight of it shaking with anger could have been quite comical. But it wasn't.

"So you may have disabled the size alternator, but you have not disarmed the machine. I still have one gun for you..." One gun flicked out of the front to point directly at the Doctor, "And one for you..." Another gun emerged from the back to point at Rose.

"It's too easy to defeat you. You cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of my intelligence," drawled the creature, "My weapons are more advanced than any you know of and my strategies will always-" It trailed off as a snapping noise was heard from the rear of the ship.

"That may have been a little unorthodox," admitted Rose, innocently, "but your speech was really annoying."

Its eyes narrowed as it looked angrily at the snapped remains of its rear gun. However, it was interrupted from whatever its next plan was by a similar snapping noise coming from the Doctor's side of the ship.

"Sorry," called the Doctor brightly, "Your machine may be advanced, but it doesn't seem to be immune to people stamping on the guns." He shrugged, "You might want to get that looked at."

"No matter," said the creature, "This is all just a waste of time. I will simply have to finish you off with my personal, handheld device." It produced a purple weapon from the front of the machine, which it promptly aimed at the Doctor.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," said the Doctor, conspiratorially.

"Why not?" asked the creature, dangerously.

"Because," said Rose, forcing the creature to turn its head round again, "I happen to know that one of our friends..."

"Is just up there..." interrupted the Doctor, motioning to one of the high stories above them.

"Brandishing a gun," finished Rose.

The creature looked up, doubtfully, and was met by the site of a very large, very metal gun pointing down towards it.

"Freeze!" came a strangely American voice from one of the high story windows – closely followed by a jet of steam like mist descending over the creature. The Doctor and Rose both stepped back quickly.

"Now that's just showing off," said the Doctor, disbelievingly, as the mist cleared to show that the creature had indeed frozen.

"I thought it was quite impressive," admitted Jack, strolling up behind Rose and casually putting an arm around her.

"And I suppose you're going to tell me that you made it out of some junk at the palace?"

"Uh huh," confirmed Jack, "Relatively simple, really. Someone had left an intergalactic lawn mower in the garden and the palace freezer was on the blink. Didn't take much," said Jack, airily.

The Doctor snorted and clamboured inelegantly over the creature's now frozen steamroller.

"Well, it worked nicely," admitted the Doctor, grudgingly.

Jack beamed, realising that this was pretty high praise.

"Nice improvisation," the Doctor said to Rose as he straightened up, "Do you have the crystal?"

"Of course," she answered, patting the zip-up pocket of her jacket, "Don't you trust me?" But she was smiling and he knew she didn't mean it.

"So what happens now, Doc?" Asked Jack.

"Well, the people will wake up from their crystal-induced stupor, realise what happened and either destroy him or arrest him. But I think it's only fair that the people get to decide what to do with him. We'll leave him here for them to find, though. Now we'll go return the crystal and... go get some chips and everyone's happy."

"Sounds like a job well done for team TARDIS," said Rose, in a cheesy, American accent.

Jack laughed, but the Doctor frowned.

"Team TARDIS?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah," answered Rose, "We travel in the TARDIS and... we're a team."

He looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds before his face broke into a massive, manic grin. He slipped his arm round Rose's waist and threw his other arm casually over Jack's shoulders.

"Fan_tas_tic."

* * *

Not that great, I know. But this is the only oppurtunity I've got to write and post it. 

Please review?


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